dear lover-
lack of absence makes the heart grow complacent. i'm sorry for taking you for granted. i'm sorry for not seeing what's right in front of me. it's so easy to ignore the person you see the most, but this is no excuse. i want to do better. i want to be grateful that i get to go to sleep next to you and wake up next to you. to know that you're there even when i'm not conscious.
when you have to go out of town my heart hurts. i yearn for you. and how i rejoice when you come home. it should feel like that everyday. everyday you come home. if you ever have to go Home [big H] then i don't want to regret time wasted. i want to breathe in your scent and feel your warmth on my skin and remember that i loved you the best i could.
lately i've been learning that it's not love if you don't love during the hard times. it's easy when things are good, but the rubber meets the road when it's tough. i've had ample opportunities to love when it's tough and i haven't done so well. it's easier to get angry or mad.
here's to better days- to love in the good and bad.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
one of my favorite memories
... was the night I got engaged. Louis and I had joked about getting married but I thought that was that, we were just ... joking. After all, we had only been dated for 6 months and I was a long ways away. I knew that there was no way that my parents would allow me to get married while I was still in school, I had 2 whole years ahead of me.
It has been a hard week of school. Like kick your butt hard. It was probably Wednesday or Thursday when my bestie Sandra called me out of the blue. "I heard you were engaged?" she joked.
"No ma'am, I wish!" I replied. She knew that I had found 'the one' and she heard that we were getting serious. She just called me to clarify how serious we were.
I told Louis later what she said. "Huh." he responded, "I wonder why she thought that." Little did I know, he was thinking, "now how in the world did she know that?! I haven't told a soul!!" And turns out, she really DIDN'T know what was about to happen to me. Call it female intuition?
I was supposed to drive down to Houston that weekend from College Station but the week was too trying on me. I told Louis I would love to see him but I was too tired and we'd have to wait until next weekend. He sighed. "Fine, how about I come get you and then I'll take you back up on Sunday?" Sounded good to me! No driving and more time with my sweetie? I'd take it!
That Saturday (April 2, 2005) we went to the House of Prayer. It's basically a souped up trailer on the outside of his church. The HoP is actually very significant to us. The young adults group met out there and we had clocked many hours of long long conversations. Sometimes into 2am. Don't tell my mom! We'd look up and everyone would have left and it'd be just the two of us. Sometimes we would come out and play a worship cd and pray together. It was really nice.
So that's exactly what we did. He had put together a special mix cd and popped it in the player. We listened to the songs and sang together and just hung out. When the music stopped, we prayed and thanked God for our relationship and all that He had given us. It was very sweet. When we were done, he took my hand and rested our hands on top of his bible. He told me how grateful he was that our relationship had God as the foundation. He said a lot of other beautiful things as well. He pulled a beautiful wooden box out of his pocket.
My first thought was, Oh what a pretty box. I am still absolutely clueless at this point. Mind you, I'm really not that oblivious! I catch on pretty quickly most of the time, I promise! He opens the box and my mouth dropped. That shiny ring with the most sparkly diamond, it was like I couldn't breathe. I was really really shocked. Louis continued with his speech but I must confess that at this point, I didn't hear anything else. He was proposing. He was proposing TO ME. Somebody wanted me to marry them. Wow. I realized that I had to tune back into the conversation before I missed my part. He had been talking for a long time. At some point, I thought he was done and he was gonna officially pop the question and I blurted out, "Yes!" But apparently, I was early because he kept talking. Finally finally we got to the big question.
Yes. Of course. I would love to be your wife.
That night, I was on Cloud 9 with a Red Bull. I was so hyped. So happy. So excited. Nothing could have bursted my bubble. I remember being very elated. I was gonna get married.
Today, I'm his wife. Married. With a kid! Some days I look back and can't believe where we are. But here we are. Whether or not, I believe it or not. We've come so far and have so far to go.
To happily ever after.
It has been a hard week of school. Like kick your butt hard. It was probably Wednesday or Thursday when my bestie Sandra called me out of the blue. "I heard you were engaged?" she joked.
"No ma'am, I wish!" I replied. She knew that I had found 'the one' and she heard that we were getting serious. She just called me to clarify how serious we were.
I told Louis later what she said. "Huh." he responded, "I wonder why she thought that." Little did I know, he was thinking, "now how in the world did she know that?! I haven't told a soul!!" And turns out, she really DIDN'T know what was about to happen to me. Call it female intuition?
I was supposed to drive down to Houston that weekend from College Station but the week was too trying on me. I told Louis I would love to see him but I was too tired and we'd have to wait until next weekend. He sighed. "Fine, how about I come get you and then I'll take you back up on Sunday?" Sounded good to me! No driving and more time with my sweetie? I'd take it!
That Saturday (April 2, 2005) we went to the House of Prayer. It's basically a souped up trailer on the outside of his church. The HoP is actually very significant to us. The young adults group met out there and we had clocked many hours of long long conversations. Sometimes into 2am. Don't tell my mom! We'd look up and everyone would have left and it'd be just the two of us. Sometimes we would come out and play a worship cd and pray together. It was really nice.
So that's exactly what we did. He had put together a special mix cd and popped it in the player. We listened to the songs and sang together and just hung out. When the music stopped, we prayed and thanked God for our relationship and all that He had given us. It was very sweet. When we were done, he took my hand and rested our hands on top of his bible. He told me how grateful he was that our relationship had God as the foundation. He said a lot of other beautiful things as well. He pulled a beautiful wooden box out of his pocket.
My first thought was, Oh what a pretty box. I am still absolutely clueless at this point. Mind you, I'm really not that oblivious! I catch on pretty quickly most of the time, I promise! He opens the box and my mouth dropped. That shiny ring with the most sparkly diamond, it was like I couldn't breathe. I was really really shocked. Louis continued with his speech but I must confess that at this point, I didn't hear anything else. He was proposing. He was proposing TO ME. Somebody wanted me to marry them. Wow. I realized that I had to tune back into the conversation before I missed my part. He had been talking for a long time. At some point, I thought he was done and he was gonna officially pop the question and I blurted out, "Yes!" But apparently, I was early because he kept talking. Finally finally we got to the big question.
Yes. Of course. I would love to be your wife.
That night, I was on Cloud 9 with a Red Bull. I was so hyped. So happy. So excited. Nothing could have bursted my bubble. I remember being very elated. I was gonna get married.
Today, I'm his wife. Married. With a kid! Some days I look back and can't believe where we are. But here we are. Whether or not, I believe it or not. We've come so far and have so far to go.
To happily ever after.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
one of my favorite nights
It was a crisp cool night and I was probably 17. It has been a bad week and it was only Thursday. I had been pining over the same guy for months. An eternity in teen angst years. I got in my 4Runner and drove. Driving just to drive. Windows down. Music blaring. To physically get away from it all. The air clearing my head, the music drowning out my thoughts, and the sting of the cold hitting my face. I drove until life didn't seem so hard. I drove until I felt like I could get a grip on my life again. To leave every negative emotion behind.
Then I turned around to face it one more time.
When I think back to that night I feel a little better. A little lighter.
This night was BC (before Christ), when I thought I could still run away from myself.
Then I turned around to face it one more time.
When I think back to that night I feel a little better. A little lighter.
This night was BC (before Christ), when I thought I could still run away from myself.
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