butterfly kisses

She woke me up in the dead of sleep.  I nudged and shook her dad but he was totally out.  Ugh.  I guess it's my turn.  I tried to pat her down but she wouldn't have it.  I nursed her and rocked for a good half hour.  She was up again in an hour and a half.  I soothe and pat and let her wrap her fingers around my mine. 

You forget how hard it is in the moments when things are really good.  In reflection, there's a lot more good than bad.  A lot more.  She looks up and grins from ear to ear.  She's one the best things that's ever happened to me. 

I give her kisses and raspberries and she snickers and laughs at me.  My hair distracts her and she tries to reach for the swinging strands.  She gets some and of course puts it to her mouth. 

You're getting so big.  We keep saying that, but I try to remember that you're still small.  I'm not gonna get caught up in how fast you're growing because I can't slow it down.  I'm gonna enjoy it and not wish it away.  I wish you were still a newborn, I wish you could talk, I wish you could entertain yourself already, I wish you could sit up, I wish I wish I wish.  I'm not gonna wish... I'm gonna enjoy.  I'm gonna live in the here and now and kiss you and let you annoy me and hold you and comfort you and love you.  I love you Selah Grace.  Happy 5 month birthday.