newsletter, last until she's born

Dear Selah,

We're counting down the days until you get here.  I hope we're ready.  I'm starting to freak out a bit thinking about the difficulty of labor and have already wondered what in the world compelled me to have a natural birth.  Great Grandma said she was completely knocked out during the labor process because that's how they did it 'back in the day.'  Well, that sounds pretty good to me.  I know that a natural birth is best for you and that's why I"m toughin' it out, all for you baby!  I think you might be a HUGE baby, well you feel huge to me.  I know you're getting squished in there.  Midwife said that fetal movement would decrease as you just don't have a lot of room to move around anymore. 

I want you to know that you're our greatest priority after taking care of each other.  I want you to really know that.  You're our very first child, the first time we've been given to parent's ministry.  The first time we've been gifted with a daughter of Eve.  These last few years we've been taking care of a different kind of baby, a business.  Business is very demanding, makes us comply to her schedule, and has many needs that only Daddy and I can meet.  I don't know how the business will do when you're here.  See, Business will have to take a backburner to you dear girl.  You'll have your own schedule and make your own demands.  Daddy and I will have to split up all the duties to take care of the both of you.  I'll be taking care of you mostly as I have assets Daddy wasn't given.  And your Daddy will have to step up and embrace new challenges that aren't quite in his forte.  I am confident in his abilities to handle the business as he is confident in my mothering skills.  Growing up, my mom and dad (your grandparents) had a business too.  Unfortunately, that business kept them very busy.  I spent my childhood growing up around 'the store.'  I learned to help out when we were in a pinch.  I sold fish/shrimp as a 10 year old.  I was a grocery store cashier on the weekends at 15 and I also was the floor supervisor/customer service rep.  I did not do any of this work willingly.  In fact, I did it begrudgingly.  I hated the businesses.  I hated how it consumed all of my parents time and energy.  I hated how they could never take to me birthday parties or over to friends houses cause they always had to work.  Life, was all about their work and I resented it.  Now, I realize how sinful my attitude was.  I was not happy in serving my parents, I was not interested in learning the skills and experience they offered me and I was mostly angry because I wasn't allowed to be selfish like I truly wanted.  Sweet pea, learn from my failure and sin.  I wish I had honored my parents, loved them for providing for me so selflessly.  They probably didn't want to work as hard as they did any more than I wanted them to.  They are loyal and dedicated with an amazing work ethic that's to be admired.  I wish I had opened my eyes to the things they wanted to teach me.  I wish I had heeded their advice.  Luckily, some of what they taught me stuck even though I didn't want it to and it makes me a better employer today. 

But I tell you all this because I want you to know that even though emergencies happen with the business we will put you before the store.  We will make time for you and save energy for you and plan fun things for you and we'll take off work to do it.  If we still have the store when you're older, I'll teach the trade and God willing you will have a teachable heart.